Scouts...

I was recently asked to work with the 8 year old scouts, the Bears, in my church.  Scouts is something that I have never ever done before.  To me, Scouts is just all the guys from church playing basketball together on Wednesday nights.  We've only had a couple activities, or den meetings rather, but it's been good so far!  Our first activity was paper mache...yikes.  Our second was make model airplanes.  It was interesting because the kits I got were super crappy (even though they were still like $10) but I think the boys had fun. 

 

 

 

 

On a lighter note...

Here are some cutie pictures of Franklin...who doesn't love seeing pictures of a cutie little puppy :)

 

 

Franklin loves hanging out with his...gosh what would they be...his Uncles I think.  Puggy and Barney are Darons moms dogs...and they love playing together.  But they sure get worn out!!  Now to just convince Daron that he needs a doggy friend at our house!!

He sleeps in the weirdest positions!

He does this all the time!  He can't seem to get his little tail and legs under the bed.  We don't have a bed skirt anymore, so he can't hide as well.

He constantly wants to be held.  ALL THE TIME!!

He gets to sleep in our bed sometimes...and he is a huge bed hog.

He loves to be under the covers...




 Onto other happenings... Bryan hurt his knew back in the middle of August at football practice.  And after battling insurance drama... he was finally able to get to the right doctor and get it taken care of.  He had surgery on Oct 8th and he is doing really well!!  He was able to walk on it a few hours after we got home!  Poor kid was so nervous about his surgery...but who wouldn't be right?! He was a champ!

 And last but not least...on Oct 7th, Daron and I celebrated our 3rd year anniversary!  I just love this guy!!!  He makes me so happy! 

I'm over it...

I am just so very over my life right now.  I am hating everything.

I am really really over my job.  I find work very frustrating to be at every day.  I feel very pressured to ask for a raise and for some reason I just can't get myself to ask for one, even though I whole heatedly believe I deserve one. It's been over a year and a half since the other person that work in the office with me was fired, and I am still getting paid less per hour than she was, and I'm doing both of our jobs!  My bosses do pay for all of my insurance (they usually pay half for the employee), but they other lady in the office was getting her 'bonuses' too; they paid for her cell phone and she got 'bonuses' for selling certain jobs, but my boss specifically told me I wasn't able to get that bonus like she was.  (It was some sort of an agreement we had at one point, and now I can't remember what I was getting out of the deal).  I am alone a lot because they go on vacation frequently, and I don't mind that at all, but I feel like I work hard to make sure everything is taken care of and all I really get is a "We are so glad you work for us.  I hope you know you can never leave!".....  I feel pressured to find a 'real job', and that I am wasting a college degree and I could be making so much more money somewhere else. 

I am constantly trying to talk myself out of wanting a baby.  I try to pretend that I don't care that I probably don't get to have kids of my own.  But every single time I open Facebook or Instagram, all I see are pictures of all of my friends and their cute families and their babies and their pregnant bellies, or any time Daron says "Well, it's different for you because Bryan isn't your kid" I literally want to scream.  I know that Daron really doesn't want to have more kids, even though he has never said we can't and he has been very supportive in trying to make it happen.  We both agreed we would try for a while but at a certain point, if it wasn't going to happen, that we wouldn't try to force it with any drastic measures.  And I'm guessing, three years into trying, that it's just not meant to happen and at some point we will need to do something to make sure it doesn't happen. 

I hate having no friends.  I miss having friends close by.  That doesn't mean there aren't people we like, cause there are plenty of fun people we go to church with, or used to go to church with, or that we just know, but everyone has their own lives and things that keep them busy.  They have a houses full of kids.  We don't.  We have one anti-social teenager who sits in his room and plays video games all night long.

I hate being fat.  I had gastric plication surgery in June and my stomach was sewn pretty much in half.  I have only lost barely 60 pounds since then and it's very depressing.  I feel like I should be losing a lot more.  It was expensive surgery and I feel like I've wasted a lot of money to only loose 60 pounds in just about four months.  I think I'm just destined to be an ugly fat person no matter what drastic things I do.

I love Christmas.  I love every single thing about Christmas.  Music, shopping, gift giving, Christmas stories, Christmas commercials, Christmas movies, decorations, lights...it just makes me feel happy inside.  But Christmas in Arizona is not happy for me at all.  No matter what I do I just don't feel Christmassy here.  Buying gifts at Christmas time has been very hard for me.  Daron is EXTREMELY hard to buy for and I find it very frustrating to get him something good.  Especially since he is such a good gift giver, and always has nice things for me.  All of the kids I buy gifts for are teenagers, and they just want money not gifts, which is no fun.  Growing up, Christmas was two full weeks long.  We played games and watched movies and ate cookies and yummy food and just hung out and had fun!  Here Christmas is a half a day.  And this year it will be just me and Daron on Christmas.  I am 31 years old.  I wanted to have a house full of kids and fun Christmas times, and save the 'just me and Daron Christmas days' to a little later on in life.

I hate that I get so unhappy sometimes. I don't want to be an unhappy person.  I love Daron and Bryan and his other kids and his family and my family.  There is nothing that anyone is doing wrong that makes me sad.  It  just seems to be a lot of things that come together and then I get sad.  I have a horrible habit of comparing my life to everyone else's, and since everyone only puts the good things out for people to see, I compare my worst moments to their best.  It's not fair to myself to do that, but it's what I do nevertheless. 

The Latest Happenings...

Sometimes I don't see the point in updating my blog cause I put pictures on Facebook and Instagram...but then I realize my mom doesn't see Instagram and that is where most of my pictures are...so I will update this with some recent pictures I've taken...  Mostly of the 4th of July and then when Daron and I went up north that weekend.  (Bryan didn't want to go...party pooper)

Johnny, Bryan and Charlie waiting for the AJ fireworks to start

Lighting off our own fireworks after the main show

My cute watermelon (got the idea from Pinterest of course)

Daron looking out over the rim...he was VERY nervous at how close I was making him get to the edge (which wasn't close at all)

I know I've posted pictures of our trips up north before...but I can't get over how beautiful it is up there!

Daron and I on the rim!  So beautiful!

He was so scared in this shot...I desperately tried to get him to go out on that rock way to the right, but he wouldn't even consider it

Franklin now sleeps in our bed...and he is quite the bed hog and he sleeps in the weirdest positions.

He is a little stinker...but we sure love him!

It's monsoon season here...so we've had some crazy rain storms...like the one in the video above.

When Daron and I went up north on July 5th, it rained like crazy most of the day we were suppossed to go to Hever-Overgards Fourth of July festivals.  We still went and had fun...but it was rainy the whole time.

30 Day Challenge: Day 17...

Day 1: A photo that makes you smile

Day 2: 20 of your favorite things

Day 3: A photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 4: Something you are OCD about

Day 5: Your dream home

Day 6: A song that makes you cry (or almost cry)

Day 7: Your worst habit

Day 8: What's in your purse

Day 9: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Day 10: A dream for the future

Day 11: Who can't you live without

Day 12: If you could wish for anything to come true, what would you wish for?

Day 13: Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?

Day 14: What do you like most about yourself

Day 15: What do you dislike most about yourself

Day 16: What do people notice about you

Day 17: What's something you wish you could say to someone

Day 18: Whom do you admire the most

Day 19: What is your goal in life

Day 20: What are the 10 most significant events in your life

Day 21: If you died tomorrow, what's one thing you'd regret not doing

Day 22: What's an inside joke you have with someone

Day 23: Two months ago, where were you and what were you doing

Day 24: Do you have saved text messages? If so, from who and why

Day 25: Write 5 messages to 5 people without using their names

Day 26: What's something you're really excited for

Day 27: What do you feel guilty for doing

28: Tattoos, do you have one and what's it's story? If not, what do you want

29: Picture of your makeup collection

30: When were the happiest days of your life.

 

I'm blogging two days in a row!!  Can you believe it?!?  So I'm not sure how to take todays question.  Is it something specific or just something general that you wish you could tell someone.  I'm going to take it as a general thing, since there is a question involving more specifics later on. 

 

 

 

I don't know if this is the exact way to answer the question, but I wish that I was just better at standing up for myself to people, and saying whatever needs to be said at that moment.   It's not a huge problem, I mean I'm not being bullied or discriminated at work or anything, but just in little things.  For example....I will almost NEVER complain about food at a restaurant (mostly because I just know they will spit/pee/contaminate my food.)  Also I rarely say anything if someone cuts in front of me in line or asks me to do something that I just plain don't want to do.  Daron says I'm the nicest person he's ever known, almost TOO nice.  Sometimes I think it's too a fault though...cause I really never stand up for myself. We sort of balance each other out this way though, Daron and I.  He help me to be more vocal about things, and I try to keep him calm when getting vocal about a problem really wouldn't be productive.